After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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