Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
