She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
how drunk are you?
Several
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
