I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
