Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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