evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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