hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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