Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
