Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
