I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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