I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
