I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
