You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
