STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
