I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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