Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
