i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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