Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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