how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
