I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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