no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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