Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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