She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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