So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
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i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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