Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
