No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
