Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
