Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
