i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize