Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
