i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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