Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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