i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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