i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
