So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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