The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
