new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
