i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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