What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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