Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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