Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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