fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
