My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
