my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
