omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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