i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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