he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
