she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
