She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Is it because I queefed?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Randomize
