Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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