Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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