pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize