I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
