So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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