Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i would punch a child for taco bell
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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