You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
