just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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