he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
