Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
