How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
