dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
