I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i would punch a child for taco bell
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
