I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
