please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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