can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
