Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize