i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
