A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Fuck appropriateness.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
